Anesthetic: Rewrite
by Tabby34x
Summary: You puke, starve, drink, and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works, for a while. But then the anesthetic turns to poison and by then it is too late. You are now mainlining it straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can't stop. T for Anorexia. The original version is on my profile. R
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! :) This is a rewrite of another story that I wrote. I decided to rewrite it because my writing style has changed dramatically since I began this story. If you read my first copy, welcome back! If you haven't, you can check it out on my profile.**

**Also, when I wrote the original, I wasn't doing so hot recovery-wise. For those of you who don't know, I was anorexic and I was self-harming. I've come a long way in my year of treatment. I went from the inpatient in the hospital, all the way to going to an eating disorder clinic every other week. My self harm has declined, along with most urges. There are still things that I need to work on, but overall, I'm doing great.**

**Thank you guys SO much for your continued support. You're just...amazing. The encouragement has brought me to where I am now.**

**Now that I'm done with my speech, let's get along to the story. ;)**

_You puke, starve, drink, and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works, for a while.  
But then the anesthetic turns to poison and by then it is too late.  
You are now mainlining it straight to your soul.  
__**It is rotting you, and you can't stop.**_

I walked down the hall, my feet moving in synchronization. Each step brought me closer to my goal, my enemy, my nightmare.

The movement of my feet stopped, halted by a tangled web. My right foot caught on the edge of my left, and sent me tumbling down to the ground.

My body slammed on the ice cold floor. The chill seeped through my baggy clothes, hitting my skin. I shivered at the contact. My arms shuddered under me as I tried to lift myself up. I had no muscle mass to support myself.

I shakily stumbled to my feet, brushing the ice off of my coat.

You see, Beauxbatons resided on the top of an icy mountain. The structure of the castle was made up of a thick glass, causing it to be deathly cold. Whenever something hit the glass floor, it shattered, blowing glass shards everywhere.

I made it to the door of the common room. I walked into the giant room with a pale blue satin flowing around the walls. Four glass tunnels led to each year's rooms.

You were allowed to attend Beauxbatons at the age of fourteen, putting you at Year One. I was sixteen, putting me in Year Three.

I walked into the room, quickly shuffling to an empty powder room.

I stood in front of the mirror, lifting up my robes to show the balloon that was my stomach. It extended at an odd angle, looking slightly deformed. Tears welled up in my dull, empty eyes. I knew it; it was time for a fast.

I dropped my robes, the tears escaping.

I crawled into the corner of the room, curling into a little ball. I locked my arms around my knees, burying my face in the crook of my elbow.

I was so hungry. I felt like I might pass out.

I wanted to be pretty, but _they_ didn't think I was. They yelled and laughed at me, obviously showing that I wasn't pretty in their eyes.

I wanted to join the Triwizard Tournament. That way, people may care about me. They might cheer for me, something. Even if I died in the process, I would still get some attention.

That's what I wanted. _Attention._ I needed it. I craved it. I wanted the other students to see me as more than that awkward girl, or the one who never spoke. I wanted recognition for the things I _can_ do, rather than what I can't do.

The bell rang, signaling dinner. The departure date for the carriages was tomorrow. I was planning on going, whether I joined or not. I knew I wasn't old enough to go, but it would be good for me. Yeah, I doubt that they'll believe that if I try to explain it to them.

I walked slowly to the dinner hall, keeping my arms wrapped around my middle protectively. It blocked people from staring at my midsection. I unconsciously rubbed at the soft silk of my robes. It was an annoying habit that I had. At least, it annoyed Jamie, one of the girls who laughed at me.

The white hall was crowded, full of the population of female students. Everyone was searching for their seats as they got off of the buffet.

I eyed the buffet, my stomach growling. God, that food looked delicious... I pushed it away and walked past it, grabbing a glass of water.

I sat at the far table in the corner, alone. I eyed the other students with jealousy. They got to eat and stay skinny. I wanted to eat, yet I wouldn't let myself. The only things that I could eat or drink were tea, coffee, water, and fruits and vegetables. My "treat" was coffee with sugar and cream.

I watched as everyone cleared off their plates, smiling happily. I gripped my glass in anger, teeth grinding together. I wanted to be happy. If I just lost the weight that I needed to, I would be.

Why wasn't I able to lose the appropriate amount of weight? It made no sense to me.

Why did I have to be the one that nobody cared about? Why did I have to have the screwed up mind? The tears ran down once again, making the rest of my makeup drip off.

As soon as the bell rang, I ran out of the hall, all the way into the cool, glass hallways. I needed to get to my room.

I started feeling tired. I wanted to sleep. I forced my legs to keep pumping, pumping until I got to my room.

Quite frankly, that didn't happen. Black marks spotted my vision, blinding me. My feet stopped moving. Invisible hands gripped my throat, cutting off my air. I could feel the black and blue bruises forming under them. I didn't know if it was fake or not. It felt so real.

The last thing I heard as I feel deep into the hands of darkness was the laughter of Jamie.

**For those that read the first story, sorry about the lack of difference in this chapter compared to the other first chapter. This was one of the better chapters of that story.**

**Thank you! R&R**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yikes! Super sorry for the late update! I've been really busy at school since it's the first week back from spring break. Also, sorry it's so short. I tried to expand it as best as I could. I didn't want the story to go too fast.**

**I'll try to update once a week, and I'll see how that goes. I typically update on weekends, so watch out for more chapters.**

**Enjoy! :) **

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Everything was faint and blurry. I could hear voices around me, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Or maybe it was just one person?

"Ellie? Are you okay, dear?" The voice speaking was motherly and warm.

A shudder ran through me. I instinctively knew who it was: Madame Maxime.

My eyelids were heavy, lacking strength.

A warmth gripped my shoulder, shaking me gently, trying to get me to respond. "Please, wake up."

My eyes flickered. With a strong push, I forced my eyes open.

As soon as my eyes opened, I saw her relieved face.

"Zank goodness. You're awake." She breathed heavily.

Pain was everywhere. I tried to get into a sitting position, hearing the protest of my muscles.

Madame Maxime rested her hand on my back to support my body as I sat up.

She looked conflicted for a moment. "Dear, I know zat you aren't old enough to do zis, but..." Her accent was thick and heavy. "...Could you please come with me to the tournament? You won't be able to enter, but it's just for your own zafety."

My eyes widened. I would be able to go? But I wouldn't be able to enter... So what? I still get to see Hogwarts!

A small smile spread across my face.

I didn't hesitate. "I would love to." I cheered mentally.

She smiled. "Zank you so much for doing zis."

We walked to my dorms, our shoes clacking against the glass floor. As we walked, I stared at the intricate patterns that the cracks made in the glass. It started in the middle, fanning out like a spiderweb.

I thought for a moment. She would have most likely taken me back to the hospital wing, if we had one. I'm not exactly sure why we didn't have one. It seems to me like it would be smarter to have one. Who else was going to treat injuries?

"Ze carriages leave early tomorrow morning. Around seven o'clock." I winced at the time. One of the things that I enjoyed was sleeping in until twelve, or sitting in bed reading a book. "It would be best if you packed tonight."

I nodded. I decided to thank her in French. "Je vous remercie de ma'voir aide." Thanks you very much. "Je le ferai." I will.

I stepped up the blue stairs into the dorms. A small, yet powerful smile was on my face.

I stepped into the room, taking it in before I left for however-many months. I glanced at the pale blue walls, noticing that the only wall hangings were silk drapes across the room. The small twin bed was up in the corner, covered in piles of clothes and blankets.

I grabbed my trunk, stuffing it with clothes, books, and magic supplies.

I placed my wand on my nightstand, just within my reach.

I was prepared for tomorrow.

I laid down on the downy sheets, fully clothed, and fell asleep quicker than ever. For the past six months I've been staying up half of the night, and I was thankful for this deep sleep.

I was prepared and excited for the day to come.


End file.
